Old is when...

"Old" is when . . .

• Your sweetie says, "Lets go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!"
• Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
• A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door nearest your car.
• You remember when the Dead Sea was only sick.
• Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
• When it takes longer to rest than to get tired.
• When you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

An old lady came into her doctor's office and confessed . . .
. . .to an embarrassing problem: "I fart all the time, Doctor Johnson, but they're soundless, and they have no odor. In fact, since I've been here, I've farted no less than twenty times. What can I do?"
"Here's a prescription, Mrs. Barker. Take these pills three times a day for seven days and come back and see me in a week."
The next week, an upset Mrs. Barker marched into Dr. Johnson's office: "Doc, I don't know what was in those pills, but the problem is worse! I'm farting just as much, and they're still soundless, but now they smell terrible! What do you have to say for yourself?"
"Calm down, Mrs. Barker," said the doctor soothingly. "Now that we've fixed your sinuses, we'll work on your hearing!"

Two senior couples are walking along . . .
. . . wives in front, husbands in back. Herb says to Sam, "Gee, we went to a new restaurant last night and had the best meal ever. Good prices, too."
Sam says, "Well, we like to eat out too. What was the name of the restaurant?"
Herb says, "You'll going to have to help me out here a little. What's the name of that pretty flower, smells sweet, grows on a thorny bush?"
Sam says, "How about 'rose'?"
"Yes, yes, that's it!" cries Herb, then calls ahead to his wife, "Rose! Hey, Rose! What was the name of the restaurant we ate at last night?"

90-year old George went for his annual physical
All of his tests came back with normal results. Dr. Smith said, "George, everything looks great physically. What's your secret?
George replied, "God and me are tight. For example, He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so that when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom *poof* the light goes on, when I'm done *poof* the light goes off."
"Wow!" commented Dr. Smith, "That's incredible!" A little later in the day Dr. Smith called George's wife. "Ethel," he said, "George is doing fine. Physically he's great. But, I had to call because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and *poof* the light goes on in the bathroom, and then when he is through *poof* the light goes off?"
Ethel exclaimed, "Oh, my God! He's peeing in the refrigerator again!"